What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
