So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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