When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
