Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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