oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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