I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
