My room smells like vodka and shame
She said her name was "party"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
