If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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