If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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