i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think people are normalizing furries
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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