I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
