the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
