You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
