i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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