I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
