I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize