I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
