So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
