now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
