I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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