As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
