Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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