So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Don't make out with my wife yet
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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