Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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