I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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