Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
