So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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