He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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