i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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