I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize