Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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