Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Girls should come with a carfax report
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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