I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
