I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
