I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
