if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
