one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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