If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
