what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
