we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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