it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
