so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
