too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
