so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
