I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
