I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
