I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
