five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm bleeding and have questions
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
