What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Do you still have your period?
I think my vagina is haunted
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
