Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
