Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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