i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
