Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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