I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
