When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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