I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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