i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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