my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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