what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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