You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I faked an abortion last night.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
