He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
