I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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