don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
