my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
