Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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