I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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