If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You pole danced in your parka.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
